For my history portion of my Apollo project, I took a dive into Bipolar Disorder and how it is treated. Bipolar disorder or manic-depressive disorder is a mental illness where the sufferer experiences periods of both extreme highs and lows, and even sometimes both, causing drastic changes in mood, energy levels, and overall ability to get things done. I was fascinated about the inherent synthesis of the disease that relates so well to the thinking skill of this project. To represent this visually, I deconstructed a Venn Diagram to essentially demonstrate how a doctor would explain the disease, what symptoms they would look for, and how they would treat it. This includes Depression and Mania separately, as well as if the symptoms combine.
Extreme cases of bipolar disorder are especially dangerous because you essentially get the “worst of both worlds” of Depression and Mania. The Depression aspect of the disorder can make you feel an overcoming sense of dread and hopelessness, pushing you to believe that there is no point in living life anymore. On the completely opposite end of the mood spectrum, Mania makes you feel overly confident in yourself to the point of self-destruction. For example, those affected may feel so on top of the world that they make reckless and impulsive decisions with their finances that they otherwise would not have in their normal state. At worst, people experiencing intense manic episodes report experiencing hallucinations or delusions that alter their perceptions. A more mild form of Mania is Hypomania, which is often beneficial to those experiencing it due to the fact that it puts you in a good mood and boosts energy and productivity. Unfortunately, most people with bipolar disorder experience the depressive side much more often than the manic side.
Of the 2.5% the population who suffer from bipolar depression, roughly half of these people have experienced a mixed bipolar episode to some degree. Bipolar Disorder is usually an illness of two extremes where the mind flips between two poles of highs and lows. However, it is possible to have a mixed bipolar episode where one experiences both depression and mania simultaneously. You can experience both extreme energy and crushing despair at the same time. This is especially dangerous, as the reason some people do not commit suicide with depression is that they do not have the energy and motivation to do so. However, with the restless and stimulated state Mania brings, it is much more likely. The suicide rate of people with Bipolar Disorder is especially high at about 15%, with substance abuse at a staggering 60%. This is why it is especially dangerous not to seek professional help as a doctor can help you safely manage your symptoms. For example, using the drug Lithium has been shown to be effective in combatting the suicidal tendencies that often follows Bipolar Depression.
Found Poem About Bipolar Depression
Today I set the bed afire
smoke is filling the room
a red powder seeps through my veins
My death from the wrists
What a million filaments
it is getting hot enough for the walls to melt
Love! That red disease
Woman,
weaving a web over your own,
a thin and tangled poison.
You said the anger would come back
just as the love did.
I walk. I walk.
in order not to see my inside out
Happiness
Is a quiet presence, breathless and familiar
In that narrow diary of my mind--
I wore movies in my eyes
At first it was private.
Then it was more than myself.
Now the lion roars
A high soft droning, drawn out like a wire
Disquieting of barbarous fantasy.
The pulse is in the ears, the heart is higher
A scream like an old knife sharpened into nothing.
A shattering---
In the world under the world. The hours blur;
Bored and not bored, I bend things out of lead.
I would that with sleepy soft embraces
The sea would fold me -- would find me rest
Escape from their Eden to the world: the real one
I am safe; but at evening
As the lands darken, a questioning
Precariousness comes over everything.
There off Sunset, in the lamplit starlight,
A scientist is getting ready to destroy
The world.
The lion's steadfast
Roar goes on in the darkness.
The scientist is ready to attack.
Now I must go, as I am going blind.
Forced out of life into
Bed, for a moment I lie comfortless
In the blank darkness
Under the quilt's many colors, gray
With the dull ending of the winter day
This time I hunt for death,
the night I lean toward,
the night I want.
I was cold again, and hunched shivering
an aura of ice
Numbed, wooden, motionless,
This is the silence of astounded souls.
We are far under the surface of the night.
for it is dark,
as dark as the leathery dead
And with the day, distance again expands
A grim grey coast and a seaboard ghastly
Between us, voiceless as an uncoiled shell.
why am I here?
Often beneath the wave, wide from this ledge
And I wonder about
this lifetime with myself
who’s responsible?
why am I here?
something worth learning
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there—--
sucked up like pollen by the bee in me
This is the silence of astounded souls.
I manage it—--
I have a black look I do not
like. It is a mask I try on.
a willing sadness, a forced joy
Behind everything there is always
The unknown unwanted life
A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Trodden on, straggling, yellow and rotten
The dead land waking sadly to my life
Still holds for me, in its unwavering eyes
I could eat the sky
When light in the realms of space lay hidden
Poems Sampled-
Carmen De Boheme - Poem by Harold Hart CraneLady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath
45 Mercy Street Anne Sexton
A Cruse Against Elegies Anne Sexton
Again And Again And Again Anne Sexton Pageon
More Than Myself Anne Sexton Pageon
The Fury of Sunsets Anne Sexton Pageon
The Swimmer by Adam Lindsey Gordon
The Lost World by Randall Jarrell
The Olive Garden by Randall Jarrell
The Elementary Scene by Randall Jarrell
The House in The Woods by Randall Jarrell
The Old and The New Masters by Randall Jarrell
At Malville's Tomb - Poem by Harold Hart Crane
I used this poem to demonstrate synthesis by taking lines from multiple poets, who have all lost their lives to bipolar depression, to change the original context of their words and then combine them to create a new narrative to describe what it is like to experience this disease.
This is my (unfinished) art piece that I used to represent bipolar disorder. I was heavily influenced by German Expressionism which originated around the time of the first world war, when the Germans were extremely economically and emotionally depressed. To convey their sorrows, many turned to print making which was a very cheap form of art that they could afford to indulge in. Many times, the physical features of the subjects were distorted to show the deep emotions felt internally extending outward as many used this style to portray their suppressed feelings. Here are some examples below:
Because of the deeply emotional nature of this style, I thought it would be perfect for my subject. To capture the look of carved linoleum, I carved into wood after sketching my idea. Below is a rough sketch of my rough draft:
To fully represent both the synthesis and duality of Bipolar Disorder, I decided on using three pieces of wood to create a Tryptic. A Tryptic is defined as a series of three panels that are meant to be displayed together. On the left panel, I try and portray the depressive side of Bipolar Disorder. In my final product, its an emancipated and weary figure in front of a factory. To me, this factory symbolizes a body that works and is going through the motions, but as there is no light in the windows, there is a lack of emotions and interest in what used to make life special. On the manic side, I created multiple heads and arms to represent a person with an intense desire to be everywhere and do everything at once. Unlike the depression side, there is such a rush of emotions it clouds the senses in chaos. When I synthesize the two in the center, I draw attention to the contrast of tones and colors that represent both Depression and Mania.